No such thing as Late

We have all heard “better late than never”. I like to look at it, “I did it now”. No time like the present.

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I am a very punctual person. And yes, I can get annoyed waiting for people. For some things though, there simply is no time frame. Getting sober like Ninja. Is it late? No, it is the right time for him and I am proud of him. It is his journey and he will take the time he needs. Trust me, I wanted to kick his ass, but that was in the past. He is accomplishing something. “But he is a drunk?” No, no, no, no; He was a drunk.

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Maybe he will not make it for the rest of his life. Maybe he will. So why put a stamp on it. No one knows. Let’s just say, He is sober. Congrats, and Well Done. As long as you, the other person, know your calling, have your passion other than focusing on the drunk, you will always have compassion, sympathy and empathy, rather than feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone has their journey, it is nice to share it with someone, but it never is the same.

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So many are focused on what happened. Rather than what is happenING.

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I have a childhood friend, whom I haven’t heard from since I was 17, which is hundreds of years ago, and he sent me the sweetest thing saying how radiant my smile was, how he remembers meeting me, how I smiled with my eyes, the window to my soul, it was obvious that I was a free spirit.

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Beautiful right? I never ever in my wildest imagination would have thought someone looked at me that way. All I saw was a five finger forehead and frizzy hair, and some serious bangs. And new kids on the block posters. Okay, fine, Don Johnson was there too. Come on, Miami Vice, raise your hand if you would watch it again. “Both hands in the air, waive ’em like you just don’t care”. Anyway….

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He went through the trouble of finding me and messaging me and telling me this. That is never to late. I replied; Today I am smiling with my heart, Thank You.

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I was so focused on life and chaos at that time, I was too oblivious to know what the heck was going on around me. My mind was set on one thing; leave Scandinavia and go to the US.

I succeeded. I am still here. Would I have left knowing people cared for me that way? Maybe not, probably not, I would still be there. It warms my heart to hear that that was the case. Never too late for something like that.

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Sleep well, have a wonderful day, Xoxo, BV
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Blood, Sweat and Tears

Everyone knows that Life takes some blood, sweat, tears and hard work. Well, most people. Well, maybe some.

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These people here in suburbia are a species of their own. Skippy’s third world problem is his twin bed in sober living. “The road to sobriety according to a princess” that is a title of a book of its own.

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I asked Skippy, aka Ninja, if this is the hardest thing he’s gone through in Life. Harder than achieving a degree from USC? Yes, indeed, that seems to be the case. Going from a house to another in Malibu, sorry, Calabasas, with beach days, and movie nights at the mall, therapy galore, a bunch of young addicts playing cards and talking smack. Sounds rough. And he calls this jail. Oh America, I am Blessed to be here, but it leaves me with the same question, no child chooses where to be born, should they not all have the same opportunity? I bet many people would like to spend jail time in luxury facilities.

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Meanwhile in Suburbia, BV, aka ME, is busting ass, trying to get back up, emotionally and practically, caring for two kids, two dogs and a cat. Talk about involuntary jail. A beach day would do me so much good. A trip to the mall strolling around didn’t seem so bad either.

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Well, tell you what. I did it. Some days powering through, an actual Jail did not sound so bad. I am back. I have worked hard. Success is here, I am achieving a lot, making my way into a field that many dream of. It took a few things to get here; blood, sweat and tears. For those of you who think success is luck, I beg to differ. No book writes itself, no script either, and no actor or artist did not work hard to accomplish to get to a point where the world could see and be interested in their work.

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I feel stronger than ever and I am ready to take on the world. It’s a nice feeling. It’s a nice feeling to look around and feel: “I did this. Me, and just me, and knowing that whatever it took, it was worth it”.

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Work, hard, keep your head straight. But don’t forget to Live, Love, Laugh, Learn and Listen.

Xoxo, BV
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Big Brother Is Watching You

 

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Virtual Reality

The World Wide Web, a web of people connected through a host such as Facebook, snapchat, instagram, twitter. When you actually meet and get to know a person that is when you really know  them. This card was the best Christmas gift I got.

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People are so focused on this web and what is going on there that they forget about what really matters; reality. Right here. Right now. Like I care what you eat every day, I get it, you eat healthy, good for you. I don’t. And I like to have cocktails. I don’t post them though. “YYYuuum, my evening cocktail, it’s a vodka soda with a slice of lemon today, tomorrow I may get really adventurous and put a slice of grapefruit with a twist of lemon”. Or I may go for the bottle of Dom Perignon like I did on New Years Eve.

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Do you care? Yes, you do, you would start talking about how much I drink and put it in a negative light. Point is, we only post positive to look good. Except me. I really don’t care. I went to wish baby Jesus Happy Birthday. For real, or is it a virtual reality?

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Ninja, we call him Skippy now, is doing good. And my life got simnifically more boring. Yes, he put us through tremendous amounts of pain, but he is doing good. That does makes me happy even though he is boring as shit now. My kids have the chance of having a father not dying of alcohol poisoning. The hardest thing in life is to forgive. And let go. I haven’t. It will take me a long ass time. I do though, feel happy for his success in sobriety. Kudos to You Skippy, 150 days and still there being a captain! Ay, Ay, Captain, keep that sail going!

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Speaking of the world wide web, when you see my Facebook page, what do you see?

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Right now it is me and my kids, vacationing, in the mountains having a blast! I can already hear people talk (you know who you are) – oh my, she is vacationing again. Did you see that?

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God forbid we have fun. Just because your life is in a box and boring. Take that stick out of your butt and laugh a little. Or even better; laugh a lot. I am blessed to have friends, my friend, my life coach, my mentor, who let me come here to get outside the box when needed, who’s taught me so much about Life and what truly matters. I can’t thank this woman enough! THANK YOU.

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So you see these pictures on Facebook. How can you really know what is going on? How do you know Skippy is not the one taking the pictures? Or if I cropped him out of it?

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All you see is a second of a long day. You can make your virtual reality anything you want people to see. It’s a powerful tool. You can market, reach people, send messages, paint a life that really is not your reality. For what? To fuck around with people who take it seriously of course! If you are dumb enough to base the internet and social media on a persons life, that is totally your problem. I couldn’t care less. I am who I am, I  post what I want, the good parts of the day with some humor. Life is dull if you can’t take it with a little bit of grain of salt and laugh.

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I post, I blog, I paint, have a children’s book in the works and “maybe” something else…. I will keep you posted. Painting is definitely my new addiction, feel free to check it out: NadjaVstudio.com

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The World Wide Web. The web that will weave you in, just be careful to not get stuck. And always check your children’s electronics, its is scary how easy it for predators to find children on there and contact them without even being close. Our lives are have become a virtual reality. A reality which you can manipulate in any way you want.

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Thank You Skippy for helping us pack up and get on the road today… 😉 We needed a breather. All of us 😉

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XOXO, Bv
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The Baby Boomers


I get a lot of grief for being who I am. A lot of pointers of what I should do, should have done, I should be doing, etc. I had a conversation about this with Ninja today, and he made a good point:

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Why is it that people seem to forget about Life? I have done what it took for me to stay afloat and raise two girls alone, without family, in suburbia where I had no friends.

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Had no friends. It is truly in difficult situations when you realize who your “friends” are. People that share your life philosophy, who understands You.

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Here, in America, I get the sense that people don’t look at the bigger picture. Here in America they don’t look back. Their lives started here. I know many people who have not been to a funeral. Never met their great grandparents who brought them here, they don’t know the blood sweat and tears it took to get them to where they are.

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The American Dream. The Land of Opportunity. Success is what you want it to be. Or how you are raised and told that it is.

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To me it is a feeling of being fulfilled. Living a Meaningful Life. Surrounded by Love and Learning and Listening to Your Loved ones rather than Telling. God forbid distaster of any form will strike You, but when, IF, it does, Your biggest and best weapon is your emotional strength. Having emotional strength is Living, being, and not surpress yourself and not being afraid of showing emotion: I certainly don’t have a problem there. It’s liberating to let it out and move on rather than dwell and live in a cloud called Zoloft for years.

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If I didn’t have that; I would have left this country. If I didn’t have that and not left this country, I would be dead or in an insane asylum.

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It is very easy to give pointers having grown up in a neighborhood with your family as far as you know. It is easy to say how to Live when You have been so secure.

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I see a difference in people in Europe and here. People in Europe appreciate Life.

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It is not just about what you should do and your bank account. It’s about helping each other and living a fulfilled Life. People in Europe are older. We know where we came from. What our great grandparents did, most of us even actually met them.

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We look at death and have seen the elder, and have a different look on Life. I know so many here who have never attended a funeral. Their entire family is alive. Their lives, their history, started in the suburb where they were born.

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It’s hard to move from one country to another. I think this is why America lacks empathy and sympathy. If you haven’t seen or felt it, how can you have it?

It’s easy for suburbia to say “get yourself together”. Let’s switcharoo a little bit: your husband goes off the deep end. What would this person do? Break down, take money out of savings and go to her family’s who conveniently lives around the corner.

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Wake up baby boomer generation in America; the world is changing. Your family, I bet if you do research, did A LOT for you to be where You are. And they helped eachother to get here.

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Teach your children this. Don’t let them grow up in a bubble which I call the “Truman Show”.
There is a world out there and we should not protect our kids from the heartache and pain that many people are experiencing right this moment.

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I wish you all a Happy Ending to 2015.

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Xoxo, BV
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Ninja Gone Good

I have not written in a while/ I will keep it simple: I’ve been busy. okay, my muse, my inspiration, has been behaving. What a bummer 😉 Nothing exciting what so ever going on over here.

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Hope you are happy for me?

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Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we live in LALA-land holding hands. Which people seem to have a problem with. It’s either OR. Black or white. What about a medium grey working towards white? Now, this is booooring! Having been the target for bullshit, saying what to do, yet no support what so ever- now what will you talk about? Not me! Or you can try.

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Alcoholism is a disease: I don’t believe in therapy and shit and meetings listening to Other people whine about their horrible life in Newport Beach. If I did I would be at a support group. I went once. And walked out.

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Some people though, have deep cuts and are not as strong as you. Not a reason to belittle or say what is right or wrong.

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The anser is in your Heart. How you find that answer, is not for anyone to comment on. The benefit of the doubt.

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We are too fast on judging people around us. You can’t judge without having the skill of empathy. Which this country totally is lacking.

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I am fortunate to have met some friends that I consider Family.

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Check it out outside your box; if you can. Maybe you need therapy? ?

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My point is; don’t judge. Don’t make decisions for anyone. Accept. Understand. Be a friend. I’m not getting married people. But if my kids can have a healthy dad, I am all for it. image

Life is a Tough One. Hang in there. Cheers. Much Love. Xoxo, BV

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Filling The Void

When Ninja checked into his facility, I was broken, a crazy cat lady, just bawling, destroyed, lonely, not capable of much, not wanting to do anything. Go out? -For what?

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I have no family here, biological that is. Friends can be family. Even better support than what we call family. I’m back in nature, in the mountains with one of them. This amazing lady, ok fine, this amazing chick, is such inspiration. In every way, listening, just in general talking about life, not pointing fingers, because we all know, I was no Saint. Just to have that shoulder and the trust has a healing effect. Not me being able to trust her, but her trusting me. That right there gives validation and your head rises a bit. And continues to do so until all the way up with a smile. Thank God for good friends ❤️

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She knows me. She has probably spent more quality time with me than Ninja this year. And I am glad that she has confirmed that I am who I always thought I was. Nice, genuine straight forward, slightly crazy, good enough to be her friend. I am a good person. Yay…!

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With the help of people and my children’s schools I got the strength to regroup and take charge of my life and fill the void that Ninja had left.

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I still have recovery to do. What I have done, very few people can in such short period of time. I changed myself, my home, my kids, my diet, my routines, my interests; I remembered I know how  to paint with oil and acrylics. The fact that I even forgot what brings me peace is scary.

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I hadn’t painted in 20 years. Ninja asked if I had been in the witness protection program, to say the least; he was shocked to see that he had known me for 17 years and never seen me paint. Let’s just say I lost my mind for a second…

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They say we use 10% of our minds. When you find your inner peace and meet yourself and start remembering things from your past, did my mind hide it from me for my own well being? Or did I choose to remember? Some people never do.

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I think I tore down a wall, an image of who I was supposed to be. I let go. I let go and I feel more peaceful than I ever have. Not quite there, but it’s damn good start.

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Cheers and Happy Friday. Much Love, BV <3

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Peaceful Happy Thanksgiving

The Holidays are Here! My favorite time of the year. It is a magical time, especially when you have kids! My Loves of My Life, I love, love, LOVE spending time with them.imageimage

I realized that with all the Ninja drama, (drama is the least we can call it, nightmare would be more like it), and my youngest being a fireball, my oldest sweetheart had to grow up too fast. I do feel guilt and failure. Keeping my head up high and pushing those feelings away. I have raised a beautiful, strong little girl with manners, sympathy and empathy for others.

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To help out, her list of chores grew about 100%. So I decided to spend some alone time with her. This is when I realized what a super star I have raised. She is one amazing, smart, funny little individual who is growing up too fast and I am missing it! Lesson learned, I am spending much more time with her from now on. This is what we did until 3am. The laughter must have echoed miles away. Check this out. This her making fun of me, Very Funny, hahaha ;))

Photo on 10-31-15 at 11.59 PM #2 Photo on 10-31-15 at 11.58 PM Photo on 10-31-15 at 11.59 PM Photo on 11-1-15 at 12.05 AM #3 Photo on 11-1-15 at 12.06 AM #3 Photo on 11-1-15 at 12.01 AM #3 Photo on 11-1-15 at 12.02 AM #2

Christmas is approaching fast. This year we are focused on arts and crafts and making our presents. The junk you fill your house with is so u unnecessary, it all ends up in a dumpster at some point. Just to fill those socks and have enough presents under the tree. What a waste on our Nature, and maybe give a thought to the children who don’t receive presents. If everyone gives one dollar to my fundraising that I will start for orphans, Many children will get a present to open this year. My children will be part of this fundraising, to show them something else to think about rather than the amount of presents. I will start this fundraising this evening. Every penny will go to presents for children and I will prove it. It is actually illegal to not use the funds to what you have stated. Stay tuned for that. Make your presents, use the junk you have. And raise money for the children without a loving home.

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As of today, Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving, eat a lot of Turkey, take a nap, and be Thankful for what You have.

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Much Love to all, XOXO, BV <3

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PS, Again, between emails and comments I’m to over 18,000, I will read them all.. In time… Thanks for writing… Love You All <3

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It is Ok, to be Perfect

I only have one thing to say today:

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I am actually not talking about Ninja this time. Americans.. Aka Robots. Don’t be too happy, too sad, too mad, or you will be sent to an insane asylum. Oh sorry, helpful. I forgot helpful, duh.imageimageimage

Here you need to be a successful straight line. Monotone, those people freak me out! “Hello, anybody in there?! Show some emotion god damn it!!” Must be a cultural thing.

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I like people with emotion. Shows passion. And you never have to question where they stand. It’s like mind peekaboo with those other people. Charades, how do I feel today? Hard to say? I have botox and my face shows more expression. And if my poker face is too good for you; you will hear it ???????????

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Like Madonna once said: “Express Yourself”

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Have a wonderful day wherever in the world, and don’t forget to express yourself.

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Xoxo, BV<3

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Relationship

A relationship is a bond to another person. I have a relationship with my doctor, the people at the local market, my kids, my parents, my neighbors, my Facebook friends. It is like a pyramid. What gets you to that small part which is the top?

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Communication. How I communicate with you defines my relationship to you. I can Love you, Like you, Live for you, Listen to you, Learn from you, Laugh with you, Laugh at you, Live it up with you, Lean on you and most of all, I can always Leave You. But if you are still in that pyramid, there is always a chance to build a better relationship. With some you want to, and some are just there, nice aquitances that I don’t miss at all. You start climbing up that pyramid and I actually do miss and treasure our relationship.

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I am fortunate to have many good relationships in Life. Then there is the upside down pyramid. The small part at the very bottom, I hope I don’t see you again.

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Relationships, are the shape of a diamond. Maybe that is why we symbolize a diamond as commitment of Love? We just made it about the size of the rock, the bigger the rock the better, the more we flash it, rather than a symbol of Love.

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I know something else that matters more when it comes to size.

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The size of your inner heart of course. If your inner heart fits  compassion and sympathy and empathy, and has room for strangers as well as yourself and has wiped out that part that consists of you, not only will you have the complete diamond of Love, you will also have the inner peace.

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Your eyes are the mirror of your soul. My mirror was very blurry but I cleaned it. I got glasses, I can see much more clearly now.

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Nobody is perfect, nobody is normal. We are who we are. Like Rob Schneider. He is who he is; funny as hell, just thinking about him makes me smile. And his daughter Elle King, she is brilliant. Now I am just really curious about the mother in that equation. If there was a competition to have dinner with that family, I would win, that is how badly I would Love to see the dynamic.

I bet they are super normal; Laughing a lot, letting each other be who they are.

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I even love the fact that there are people I dislike. I give everyone a fair chance but some people are just…., not my cup of tea. And I love tea. I drink a lot of it. I really dislike, hm, ……. *thinking*…… I don’t think there is a liquid I dislike.

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I dislike lying, evil, selfish humans. But they exist. I will continue to be Happy and Dance on, even if times are hard sometimes and you dislike me because my blog is so awesome, and I’m cute (botox has some to do with it 😉 and you have all these opinions about who I am. I am who I am. And I like it. And I learn about myself every day. Feels good to be back from the mountains. I left my friends a little gift for when they go back.

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Jingle bells are on their way! Cheers, Happy Saturday, Dance for the victims in Paris and spread the Love. Love is contagious as is Laughter 😉

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Xoxo, Love to You All, BV <3