This is by far the hardest post so far. I can barely figure out what to write. I was waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. Where the Fuck is it? We got the call: it is time, time for rehab. We should have been “delighted” as they say. Fuck off. Take your cold ass heart and shove it. If you think it’s that easy, you are a fucking idiot. We love HIM. And we have not seen him in a long time and we understand that he needs help.
“Oh but he hurt you and did all those things to you, why don’t you just disappear for a year” Really?
So? I’ve done a ton of stupid shit when wasted, but I was able to stop, and live on. Alcoholics can’t. And they truly feel bad. That is what is so horrible.
When he hung up the phone and it was a done deal, he was checking in tonight, his mother was taking him. I would have but needed to be with the kids. I looked at him and said: “Hey, want a shot of vodka?” I’m not driving for two hours, four back and forth, fuck it. Cheers, no need to Ninja me.
We had a couple. Ok, fine, you are right, more than that. Why not? He wasn’t driving and is going away for a long time. 8 months or so. We cried and laughed. For a moment wanted to run away. But reality is, his demons needs to be fought and I had to, for once in my life, give up. I can’t beat those demons. So I fed them instead. Hahahaaha, Up Yours.
By the way, do you know anything about tapping phones? I find it odd that my number shows up as a different one when I call friends. And when I group text, his parents for an example, mine and Ninjas conversation shows up? Hm, odd. I am saving those messages. If someone is violating my privacy, I will find out who. And I am persistent. I don’t give up. Ever. I have my bucket list.
My oldest was distraught. No matter the pain the alcoholic put you through, you still Love them. Almost more because you know what their Heart really is like. You want to help and Heal them. I had to tell his mother to hug my oldest? Something is off with this family. I have realized I have no control over that. Our good hearted alcoholic lost person, drenched in sorrow who has been told what to do all his life. You will be OK.
My oldest was crying and hugging him saying “I don’t want you to go, please don’t go” Kudos to Ninja, who sat down on his knees and took her by the shoulders, looked her in the eyes and said: “Do you remember when we used to wake up early and make smoothies together, when I was your soccer coach and we spoke about life?” She said nothing. “That is who I need to be. I Love you, I always will. I really need help, and I will do that with you again. Ok? I promise. But I won’t be able to unless I leave for a while”
And of course my youngest, almost 4, comes up and says: “Stop crying, he will be ok. We don’t want him to be drunk anymore. He will come back. Love you Daddy” And there was hug between the three of them. My youngest is an old soul. You can just tell. My oldest is fragile and needs Love. And I had to tell the therapist to give her a hug? Wow. Just Wow. She actually even said: “They will be fine” Let’s go Ninja.
Not sure what happened to you, but you are cold. Cold. No feelings. My soul is bleeding. “I bleed it out, just to throw it away” -linking park.
I was bawling. And have been all night. Where is that fucking light at the end of the tunnel that people talk about? I just see a longer and steeper tunnel. No fucking light in sight. His parents say: “Don’t worry, we got you, we will take care of you”
Laughing out loud, yeah right. Like the movie Titanic, when Jack believes Roses’ fiancé and says: “don’t worry, you go, he’s got me”. These people have no interest in helping out. But just like Jack wanted Rose to live, as do I with Reid. Except I won’t drown, and I will be here stronger than ever. Must suck when you fuck with the wrong person. I wasn’t born in OC with a tennis racket or golf club in my hand. I have been through hell and back. I can handle ANYTHING.
I got one phone call saying: “it’s no country club but he seems fine” Oh, I’m sorry, the 73k/month rehab wasn’t the resort you were hoping for?
Are people born cold hearted and stupid or is it a trained thing? Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize he was going on a vacation? The dude is facing a felony and is under the best care in the United States. You are Welcome! The dads side had plans tonight. So wait, let me get this clear? Your son is going through life crisis, there are two children and a woman hurting and you have such important plans on a Tuesday? Scrap ’em ey? I would have. Even for his parents after all this. Because I have something that matters more than money. It’s called a HEART <3
Maybe we won’t be together once this bullshit is over. I see my life moving. BUT, I know one thing: You will NEVER get rid of me. I would never keep his KIDS, PLURAL, away from him. I saw the sadness in my oldest eyes when the younger said: “Great grandma gave me a present” You people will never see Mila unless Zoey is there and I am there to make sure it’s a fair game. I cannot wait for Ninja to be far in the program. He will be out a changed man. I have changed. There are TWO options:
We will be friends for LIFE, or we will get back together. And have another baby. Your worst nightmare. Ok I’m sorry, I had to: LOL. Tennis/golf playing hard knock kids, you guys don’t know me or how it really is to live life. I don’t give up. I am going to show my children what a real strong woman is made of: a heart of love, believing and TRYING whatever you want.
I am real. I don’t lie. I am not a two faced bitch. I can be a bitch and I will if I have to.
I am very thankful for the dollars his mom gave me. Thank You! The comment “This is for groceries, it’s not for Botox” was very unesserary, I’m not injecting top ramen or mac and cheese for christ sake. Not sure what doc you see, but you maybe you should re-evaluate if that is what it costs you?
Me, and My “high end life” will continue on.
Ninja is gone. I should be relieved. No more chaos. No more worries. No more tears? All I did today was cry.
When the car left today, I saw a broken a person leaving. Tears running down my cheeks. Yes, I am hurt, but I can only imagine the hurt he is going through. Compassion. Does not exist in Ninjas family. I’m surprised he didn’t end up 6 feet under. I take credit for that.
Good Luck Ninja. Your new Journey in life has just begun. And so had ours. I wish you the best. We Love You. <3